


Feelings

by Andrea_gmg



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23332729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andrea_gmg/pseuds/Andrea_gmg
Summary: It's Castiel wedding day, but things might not go as planned.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Meg Masters, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	Feelings

Dean checked the watch in his right hand, his left leg moving uneasily, Sam had asked him to calm down, but as much as he had tried to stop the not voluntary movement of the lower extremity he couldn’t stop it. 11:55. Dean took a deep breath closing his eyes for what he thought were minutes, but when he opened his eyes only seconds had passed “I can’t do this” Dean muttered looking down, he closed his eyes again being on the edge of crying “I can’t do this” he muttered again knowing he was starting to act like a little kid when doing something he doesn’t like, but Dean couldn’t help it. His brother caressed his back trying to sooth him. 

“Dean, c’mon, I know you can do this” Sam said between teeth faking a big smile so that guests wouldn’t wonder if something was wrong, hopefully they were just apparently giving the image of two best men who were getting utterly emotional over their friend getting married. Although, reality couldn’t differ more from that image Sam looked forward to be resembling. They were surely emotional, but not for the proper reasons, the oldest of the Winchesters was completely head over heels for Castiel Novak, the groom, and, Sam, he was having a hard time wondering if he had done the right thing not doing anything to help his brother.

Sam should have noticed which were his brother's feelings for the raven haired man long ago. Both of them had known each other since childhood, Sam had early memories of Castiel coming over to their home every few weekends for a sleepover. Dean and him would pass the night playing games in the garden on an improvised tent, while Sam stayed inside being envious of his brother’s great friendship, he had always wanted a friendship like that, he had a best friend at that age, but their relationship was by far not similar to that one of Dean and Castiel, there was something different in the way those two acted when being together, that Sam couldn’t get a hold of. He should have also noticed, in high school, that those innocent stares of his brother gave to his best friend weren’t actually innocent, they hid lots of longing feelings. 

However, Sam didn’t know what was really going on in his brother’s mind until a week before the wedding. They had gone out along with other friends to hold a bachelor party for Castiel. The night was supposed to be chill, just having dinner all together and some drinks at town’s main pub. However, everything turned upside down after a drink became two drinks, then four, five… By three in the morning most of guests were completely drunk, some of them had decided to use the old karaoke the pub opened on Fridays, others were still on the bar trying to get more drinks. 

Dean, determined to not fail his party animal title, was part of the small group who wanted to show their singing talent “Hello everybody!” he screamed being followed by a vague cheer from the rather distracted public. Then a rock classic started, giving way to Dean’s drunken bad singing. Luckily for the ears of all attendants, the little show reached its end quickly, but Dean Winchester had not finished speaking when next contestant made his way to the stage “I sang this song for my amazing, spectacular friend Castiel Novak, who is getting married next Friday” Dean stayed quiet for a moment waiting for some cheers “C’mon is the man’s last party as a lonely man” some people whistled and shouted for the engaged man, Sam could see how Castiel was looking from a corner, his cheeks red “I love you man” Dean lastly said on the microphone “I love you so much I would marry you… I don’t want to lose you” he muttered, most of the people around thought he was just being a drunk idiot, but Sam knew his brother, he wasn’t lying, he thanked god for only having drunk two beers that night, he was going save Dean from a big embarrassment. 

“So this is all for tonight” Sam said giving the microphone to Kevin, the next guy in the stage. Sometimes he asked himself why everybody says the oldest brother has to be the one taking care of the youngest, but then he always remembered that Winchester’s had a tendency to work the opposite way of the rest of humanity “I think you’ve had enough party for tonight Dean” he whispered taking his brother down of the stage “we are going home.”

“You are a party spoiler Sammy, let me have funn, I was having lots of fun and Cas needed to know, he can’t be marrying that bitch, that assbutt named Meg” Dean whined “yeah, Castiel always comes up with the best of the insults…” he wondered aloud “and now fuck off, I can walk on my own” Sam let his brother give some steps but his balance was completely lost, so he had to hold him again “at least let me say goodbye” Sam didn’t think that would be a good idea, but Castiel had already approach them to see what was going on “Cas” Dean embraced his best friend giving way to all his weight, almost making Castiel fall to the floor “I love you so much.”

“I think I’ve never seen him so wasted” Castiel said with a little laugh, he was a little buzzed, but not drunk. 

“I’m wasted for you” Dean rambled and Sam grabbed him again. 

“He is and that’s why we are going home, hope you’ve had fun tonight” Sam told Cas who nodded. He tried walking Dean to the door of the local but his brother held him tight to prevent him from moving. 

“Dean, you have to go home, it will all be fine, you are so wasted” Cas told Dean lowly caressing softly his hand. That was the moment Sam figured it all out, the bond that joined Castiel and Dean was deeper than he had always thought, not only was Dean in love, but also Cas. All those feeling were palpable only seeing the way they stared at each other even in their endrugged state. 

“C’mon” Sam repeated finally convincing his brother to move.

Next morning Sam hadn’t expected Dean to remember anything from the night before, but during the lunch Dean admitted all of it “I truthfully love him Sam” Sam nodded to his brother comprehensively “I know, Dean, I know, what are you going to do towards it?" 

Dean shrugged looking to his cup of coffee “What I've always done, hide it" Sam nodded respecting his brother's decision in spite not seeing eye to eye with him. 

11:00. Dean had finally managed to calm down, he was there to support his best friend despite it hurting so badly. The blond had to accept Castiel wanted to share his life with Meg, even if he didn't like the idea. 

He swallowed making a good effort to give his best smile when Castiel walked to the altar. There was a moment, a tiny moment in which Castiel gazed at him. Being his wedding day what was expected was to see happiness emanating from the groom, but Dean could swear he perceived sadness in those blue eyes. Something was wrong, but Dean wasn't going to do anything about it, it could have been a trick from his imagination what made him see that unhappiness in the eyes of his friend. 

When the bride got to the altar Dean looked to the floor wanting to see as less as possible of the ceremony. He stared down at his expensive shoes to focus on something. The priest started talking, his strategy to get distracted was not working though, he couldn't see, yet, he could hear all that the priest said. 

"If there is anyone who objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace" those words sunk into Dean and suddenly the groomsman felt the urge to let out all he felt, but he didn't. He just stayed there, in silence, drowning on his own sorrow. Quietness filled the little church until someone coughed next to him, it was an uncomfortable cough, like someone clearing his throat before speaking. 

"I object" Dean heard the tall man next to him and looked at him eyes wide. 

"What are you doing?" Dean muttered, but Sam just ignored him. Everyone was looking at Sam in awe, what the hell was he doing? 

"And why shall you object Samuel Winchester?" the priest requested.

"In fact, I don't object, but I would like Castiel to hear me for a moment before he says yes” Castiel furrowed his eyebrows at the brother of his best friend and nodded giving him permission to talk “I’ve known you all my life and I’ve always had you next to me, supporting me, giving advice when needed, you’ve become a second brother to me Cas. That’s why I’m telling you this. Since high school you’ve been a really cheerful person, always up for doing any activity, always radiating happiness, but from the moment you engaged yourself in this relationship something changed, there was something off. Yes, you still were you, always up to help us, meet with us, go out with more friends, but that shine that surrounded you seemed faded, and I couldn’t understand what had happened until a few days ago. That light came also with the bond you share with someone else. That person gives you life, vitality… and I think if you commit to this marriage you will regret it. Sorry for letting you know this in the spur of the moment, but it all didn’t dawn into me until now” Sam looked at Dean again who was looking at Castiel’s eyes pleadingly, still no words coming out of his brother’s mouth. Castiel was as well staring deeply into Dean’s eyes sizing up all the options “Anyway, whatever your decision is I will always support it” he lastly said. Sam couldn’t help it, but felt bad for Meg; he was not spilling out all of this for Castiel, but also for Meg, he didn’t want a completely broken marriage for her. 

Dean had hoped for Castiel to say something as a result of his brother’s words, but the ceremony went on “do you, Castiel Novak, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded bride, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

Those words the priest had just said spinned in Castiel’s mind for some time, Meg caressed slightly his hand to catch his attention. Castiel didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t be more confused. He was happy with Meg, he loved her, but Sam was right, there was other person who certainly made his everyday more colourful, taking always a smile out of his lips even in the worst moments. Castiel looked at Dean, who nodded giving him a really vague smile. That broke him, noticing Dean, who was obviously falling for him, accepted his decision to be with Meg.

Then it dawned into Castiel, he really didn’t want this marriage, he had been forcing himself to love Meg as a means to push away his feelings for his best friend, to prevent a complication in their long friendship. He had forced himself to learn how to love Meg, and he certainly had ended up liking her somehow, she was fun, charismatic, powerful in all senses of the word. Yet, there was a huge difference between learning to love someone and absolutely loving someone. You don’t have to learn to love, you just become slowly aware of how you are drowning smoothly in all the positives and negatives of the other person, a deep bond is created with that person. And Castiel, certainly was madly swimming in Dean’s freckles, in his always willing to help personality, his strong behaviour, the moments they had shared, his smile… but maybe … it was high time he let his conscience drown into Dean Winchester. Perhaps, it was time to open the door in his life to authentic love “I can’t do this” he finally whispered only for Meg to hear “I can’t” he repeated tears held in his eyes “I’m so sorry, but I don’t want to carry on this when is bound to fail in the future, I love someone else, I’m so sorry Meg”

Meg put a hand into Castiel’s cheek caressing it. She understood him, she had tried to deny her boyfriend’s feelings for Dean long ago keeping that thought in the back of her mind, but she had known since the beginning that would become a problem at some point in the future. Even though, she had still let herself start a relationship with Castiel Novak. She now regretted starting the relationship, becoming aware of how smart would it have been if she had just left her heart be shattered by a not reciprocated love. She knew she needed no man or woman in her life to feel completed, but sometimes what the heart wanted could be impossible to just ignore, in spite of knowing it wasn’t healthy. She nodded at the man in front of her “I understand Castiel, go and be happy, I will find other pizza man or woman” she reminded one of their good memories not letting her humor die away, not even in that occasion. 

Castiel smiled softly and got near her ear “Thank you, I’m sure you’ll find someone else, you are an amazing person” he pulled away. All guests were probably utterly baffled, but Castiel knew he was doing the right thing.

“No” he finally said as an answer to the priest’s question, a murmur started rolling among the guests. Castiel looked back at Meg who nodded at him, she was willing to give explanations of all the mess to the public. He walked down the aisle, this time not to the altar, but to the door, to the freedom. 

Meg didn’t take long to start explaining what had happened. Dean was puzzled still trying to get his mind around what had just happened, Cas had said no, he had said no, after Sam’s speech, which suggested he was Castiel’s real love indirectly. He took a deep breath and looked at the main door of the church which had just been left open by Castiel, then he seized up the people who were around until coming face to face with his brother. Sam put a hand on his brother’s shoulder “go get him” and so did Dean. He ran out of the church finding Cas resting his back against the building’s wall. 

“You’re such a dramatic person” Dean said to appeal Castiel’s attention. The blue eyed man laughed softly. 

“Says the one whose brother had to give a speech to spill out his feelings, because he wasn’t able to do it by himself” Castiel tilted his head to the right. Dean grinned.

“Well, I admitted it, when I was drunk” Castiel shook his head smiling, the little wrinkles around his eyes making an appearance. 

“Oh, yes, I remember that perfectly, despite having that night’s memories a little blurry, I’m wasted for you, right?” Castiel joked, and Dean bit his lower lip. 

“I’m sorry for embarrassing you that night” Castiel just shook his head to make him understand it was okay “so… you… love other person, huh? Meg said so” Dean said trying to change the topic. 

“Hmm” Castiel just answered staring at his lips for a moment “Yes, I do love other person, I’ve loved him since childhood and I’ve never been able to stop thinking about him, those green eyes, all the moments we’ve shared, that night in our twenties we agreed not to mention again…” he tried not tearing his gaze away from Dean’s.

“It seems like that person can’t forget all those things either” Dean took a step closer to the other man “that night was with no doubt unforgettable” he whispered kind of flirtatiously “I can still remember how we stared at the stars from that little house near the ski station, and how we ended up sharing a lonely bed, all the things we said to each other to then lock them back not be mentioned again. But you know what? I don’t give a shit anymore, I would like to repeat them again and over again, every night..I love you, Cas” Dean suddenly felt he had let go a big weight he had been unconsciously bearing for a long time.

Castiel took a deep breath and took another step closer to Dean, centimeters separated their lips and Castiel couldn’t help it anymore, so he pressed his lips against the other’s. Dean willingly followed the kiss, urgently setting a hand on Castiel’s neck pressing the other man closer, it didn’t take Castiel much time to set his hands on the other man’s waist needily. They got consumed in the kiss making up for all the times they could have kissed, but didn’t, expressing their old suppressed feelings. Castiel finally pulled away after some time and pressed his forehead with Dean’s “I love you Dean Winchester” he whispered smiling wildly. After all, he had allowed himself to be drawn into the rollercoaster Dean Winchester was and was finally feeling what a lot of people named real love, freedom. 

Not far from there Sam was staring at them with a big smile plastered in his lips. Someone tapped his shoulder and he turned around seeing Eileen, Sam’s smile became softer giving her a fond kiss “Finally, they got together” she said by signs, Sam laughed wondering if his wife had known what had been going on between the two men before him “Yes, the two idiots finally did get together” he put an arm around Eileen’s waist kissing her forehead.


End file.
